just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
