Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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