Absence makes the cock grow harder.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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