you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
