I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
