dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
