I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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