the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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