What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
