Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
