i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
