Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
