We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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