Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just gift wrapped bread.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
