I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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