worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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