i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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