Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
