I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
