Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
