WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
