i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
