I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
