I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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