What a fucking waste of an outfit
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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