Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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