We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
