I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
