Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
