I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
