just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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