Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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