Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
