So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Farmville is her only friend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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