I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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