I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Where is the hickey?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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