that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
