which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
