There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
