Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His hands were made for my vagina.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Be still, my beating vagina.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
