when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You pole danced in your parka.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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