Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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