I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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