I look better un-naked...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
