I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
