a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
