my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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