vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
