I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
