I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
