I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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