I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
