I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
