2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
