I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
