Umm I'm too high to move.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
