TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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