Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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