at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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