I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
