Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize