and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
