Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
