if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
