Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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