As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
