I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize