my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
