he puts the penis in happiness.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
