proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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