worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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