I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize