SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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