I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i will never coherently bang her
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
