So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Never underestimate the power of titties
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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