I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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