I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
