We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
