Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
