you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
