dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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