Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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